Keep Cool and Carry On. Works for Moms. Works for People.
There are times and situations that push our buttons and cause a us to loose our cool. Certain times you may feel provoked and even justified, and other times you know it was on you, but either way you end up wishing you could’ve handled it differently; then this is for you.
When you have a few free minutes, brainstorm all the things that happen in your week that cause you to loose your cool. Take each situations on the list one by one and imagine the events in as much detail as you can come up with. Picture the place where it’s happening, note the time of day, and how you feel. Gather all the details that you can. Maybe even put it on paper. What would you have done or said? Now imagine the event has just happened and you’ve yet to react. Place yourself in that moment and imagine yourself taking a second to pause, then breathe in for the count of three and out for the count of six. Imagine what you would like to say and do. See yourself in your mind responding to the situation in the most ideal and appropriate way for what is happening.
This exercise is crating new neural pathways in your brain. When the event happens you will have trained for it and you’ll respond better. The prefrontal cortex is being strengthened and will show up for you when you need it later instead of that irrational amygdala. You would never run a marathon without training your body. So don’t expect your mind to be any different.
Take time right now to list all your triggers. Then do this exercise now with the trigger that shows up most often in your life. Save the rest of the list for later and work on it when you have time. Hot buttons for me include: potty accidents, children taking off their clothes as we are leaving the house and people that think food allergies are a preference. But I digress. Taking time to imagine myself in the situation and responding in a way that aligns with my real self has enabled me to rise to more parenting challenges. Do this exercise. Think if it as a rehearsal for the real thing. Your buttons will get pushed. You will get triggered. But how you respond can be changed with conscious effort ahead of time. Your amygdala is taking over and you act in a way that doesn’t align with who you are. But that is Ok, you can do better when you know better. So don’t judge yourself for your past, but also don’t just let it all go either and chalk it up to mom stress. Which is so legit by the way. You’ll never hear me say you could have acted better in moment. I believe we are all doing the best we can. If we could do better, we would be doing better. But these skills will help you do better and act better and feel better.
During a mediation class I hear Oprah say you are not your thoughts you are the observer of your thoughts. I hope that gives you comfort. In this moment you are the observer of your actions. You are how you feel about your action, you are not the action.
To wrap it up, there are times and situations that are flat out frustrating and of course elicit a reaction. Everyone has things that set them off and they feel regret for. Your less than ideal reaction can range from something minor like acting flustered and not communicating your message to flat out anger. No matter where you are at, you can benefit quickly with this exercise. Brainstorm those situations you know will happen, rehearse your new response in your mind, and you will be met with your authentic self when it happens in real life.
When the situation begins to get tense, first take a second to pause. Then take a deep breath in, with your exhale a little longer than your inhale. You’ve signaled to your body that you are safe. Now respond in the way you’ve have imagined!
Please let me know how this goes for you. It has been so powerful in my life and I would love to hear about your experience.
